DC's BEST Kept Secret? This Oxon Hill Hotel Will SHOCK You!
DC's BEST Kept Secret? Oxon Hill Hotel – A Shocking Review (Prepare to be Shook!)
Okay, buckle up buttercups, because I’m about to spill the tea on this allegedly secret Oxon Hill hotel. Is it a hidden gem? Is it a dumpster fire? Or is it somewhere deliciously in between? Let's find out together, shall we?
First Impressions: Accessible, with a Dash of “Uhhh…”
Right off the bat, I'm a sucker for accessibility. I mean, in this day and age, it shouldn't be a selling point, but sadly, it often is. This place claims to be accessible. Wheelchair accessible throughout, with ramps and elevators galore. BUT… and this is a big BUT… some of the automatic doors were a little… wonky. Like, they wouldn't always open on the first try. Minor inconvenience, sure, but it gave me a little twitch of anxiety. I'm a klutz, so I appreciate a smooth entry!
Getting Connected: The Wi-Fi Saga
Alright, let's talk internet. Because, let's be real, in the modern world, a bad Wi-Fi connection is a crime against humanity. The hotel proudly boasts “Free Wi-Fi in all rooms!” and “Internet access.” Lies, I tell you! Mostly, lies. Okay, fine, not lies exactly, but more like… challenges. In my room, the Wi-Fi was about as reliable as a politician's promise. I spent more time refreshing pages than actually reading them. They also mentioned Internet [LAN], but who carries around a LAN cable these days? I ended up having to tether off my phone, which, let's be honest, is a pain. Wi-Fi in public areas was better, thankfully, but still not rock-solid. Consider yourself warned, digital nomads!
Relaxation Station: Spa Day Dreams vs. Reality Check
Okay, this is where things get interesting. The hotel has a whole slew of amenities aimed at making you feel pampered. The brochure promised a glorious spa experience. I was envisioning myself floating on a fluffy cloud, sipping cucumber water. The reality? Well, let's just say it wasn't quite the Citizen Kane of spas.
- Spa/sauna: Check. The Sauna was okay, a bit small for the amount of people who wanted to use this place.
- Steamroom: Check. Though, the steam was a bit sporadic and not quite as steamy as advertised.
- Massage: I indulged, and let's just say the "massage therapist" was definitely experienced. It wasn't the worst massage I've ever had, but it wasn’t the best either. Still, after a long day of travel, it hit the spot.
- Pool with view: Yes, the Swimming pool was lovely, and the Swimming pool [outdoor] offered great views of… well, Oxon Hill. No complaints there!
- Body scrub, Body wrap: Sadly, neither was available, I couldn't get any body work done past the massage.
- Fitness center: Yes, but the equipment looked a little dated, like they hadn't updated anything in a decade.
- Gym/fitness: Well yes, it was a gym.
- Foot bath: I don't recall seeing this.
Cleanliness & Safety: The Sanitization Shuffle
In the post-COVID world, we're all obsessed with cleanliness (or at least, we should be!). This hotel seemed to take it seriously, which is a huge plus. They touted Anti-viral cleaning products, Daily disinfection in common areas, and Professional-grade sanitizing services. Rooms sanitized between stays was a definite selling point. Hand sanitizer stations were plentiful. You could even Room sanitization opt-out available, which is great for the eco-conscious.
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking Adventures (and Mishaps!)
The food situation was a bit of a mixed bag. From the moment I walked in I was hungry, I was famished.
- Restaurants: There was more than one, so this was a huge success.
- A la carte in restaurant: Yes
- Asian cuisine in restaurant: Yes, and it was delicious.
- Western cuisine in restaurant: Also delicious.
- Breakfast [buffet]: Yes! Okay, this was a major win. Despite my grumbling about the internet, the Breakfast service was top-notch. A vast Buffet in restaurant with everything from fresh fruit to pastries to, of course, the Asian breakfast.
- Coffee shop: Yes, with decent coffee and also some Coffee/tea in restaurant.
- Poolside bar: Yes, with a fantastic Happy hour.
- Snack bar: Yes, this was a great idea if you needed a little something quick.
- Desserts in restaurant: The desserts were divine, which is all I ask.
- Soup in restaurant: Yes, and it was very good.
- Vegetarian restaurant: Yes, but it seemed a bit understaffed.
- Room service [24-hour]: Yes! Although the delivery time was a tad slow.
I'm all for Cashless payment service, and they had that going on. But I'm not sure how I feel about the Individually-wrapped food options. I get the hygiene aspect, but it felt a little… wasteful.
Services & Conveniences: The Good, the Not-So-Good, and the “Huh?”
Alright, let’s dive into the miscellaneous services.
- Concierge: Yeah, they were helpful.
- Daily housekeeping: They were lovely.
- Elevator: Yes.
- Luggage storage: Yes.
- Laundry service: Had it.
- Dry cleaning: Had it.
- Currency exchange: Available.
- Meeting/banquet facilities: Available.
- Business facilities: Available.
- Invoice provided: Yes.
I'm not sure how I feel about the Smoking area, I think the hotel should ban smoking, it's 2024!
For the Kids: Family Friendly Fun or Frustration?
I didn’t bring any kids with me, but I noticed they had Babysitting service. They also had Kids facilities. It seems pretty Family/child friendly.
The Room Itself: A Mixed Bag of Comfort and Quirks
My room? It was… fine.
- Air conditioning: Good.
- Blackout curtains: Essential for sleep.
- Coffee/tea maker: Much appreciated.
- Free bottled water: Always a nice touch.
- Internet access – wireless: As mentioned, a bit patchy.
- Non-smoking: Thank heavens.
- Private bathroom: Of course.
- Refrigerator: Useful.
- Satellite/cable channels: Plenty of options.
- Seating area: Nice.
- Soundproofing: Nope. I could hear my neighbors, which wasn’t ideal.
- Slippers: A nice touch.
- Wake-up service: If you could get a signal.
- Wi-Fi [free]: See above.
I did appreciate the Desk, the Mirror, the Closet, the Alarm clock, the Hair dryer, the Telephone, the Toiletries, the Towels, the Bathrobes, the On-demand movies, and the Additional toilet.
Getting Around: Easy Peasy or Pothole-y?
- Car park [free of charge]: Yes, which is a huge plus for me.
- Airport transfer: Available.
- Taxi service: Fine.
Overall Verdict:
So, is this Oxon Hill hotel a "best-kept secret"? I wouldn’t go that far. It’s got some definite pros: the accessible facilities, the good food, the generally friendly staff, and the efforts towards cleanliness. However, the Wi-Fi woes, the slightly aging facilities, and a few other minor quirks prevent it from being a true hidden gem.
My honest rating: 3.5 out of 5 stars. It's a solid, decent option, worth considering if you're in the area, but definitely not without its foibles. Be prepared to manage your Wi-Fi expectations and maybe bring your own spa music. 😉
Unbelievable Luxury Awaits: Pestana Vila Sol Golf Resort, Vilamoura
Alright, buckle up buttercups, because this ain't your grandma's itinerary. We're diving headfirst into the glorious, chaotic, and potentially slightly smelly reality of a trip based out of the Red Roof PLUS+ in Oxon Hill, Maryland. Let's be honest, the PLUS+ just makes it sound like we’ve won a lottery we didn't even enter. Here we GO:
Day 1: Arrival – The Oxon Hill Odyssey Begins (and Might End in a Gas Station)
- 1:00 PM: Land at Reagan National (DCA). Okay, let’s be real, I’m already sweating. I HATE flying. The whole, "metal tube hurtling through the air" thing does not agree with my delicate constitution. Hopefully, the flight attendants are having a good day. A bad day from them means I'll spend the entire flight battling my anxiety. Pray for me.
- 2:30 PM: Grab an Uber/Lyft to the Red Roof PLUS+ in Oxon Hill. Pray for good traffic. Pray for a driver who doesn't blast death metal. And, most importantly, pray that the hotel room smells like… well, something other than generic hotel air freshener. (My personal vendetta is against that vaguely chemical, overly floral scent. It screams "desperation".)
- 3:30 PM: Check in. Deep breaths. Smile, even if the person at the front desk looks like they've seen things (and by things, I mean the usual hotel shenanigans). Hopefully the room's clean, relatively quiet, and has working AC because, let's be honest, I'm perpetually hot.
- 4:00 PM: Room Inspection. The moment of truth. Is there a suspicious stain on the carpet? Are the sheets… questionable? I'm a germaphobe (sort of), so I will be checking everything. You know, just in case.
- 4:30 PM: Reconnaissance Mission: Search for Food. This is the real test. Oxon Hill isn't exactly known for Michelin-starred restaurants, is it? I'm thinking… whatever's within walking distance. Maybe a chain restaurant? (Oh god, please, not a gas station hot dog!) Or, if I’m feeling brave, a local diner. Fingers crossed they have good coffee. Bad coffee can ruin a perfectly good day.
- 5:30 PM: Dinner. The sustenance-acquiring part of the day. (I'll have to update this based on the actual food situation).
- 6:30 PM: Unpack (sort of). I'm the worst packer. My suitcase is usually a chaotic explosion of wrinkled clothes and random travel-sized toiletries. I'll probably just shove stuff in a drawer and call it a day.
- 7:30 PM - onward: Collapse. TV. Maybe order something on DoorDash if I'm feeling extravagant. Or I might just fall asleep. Jet lag is real, people.
Day 2: The Smithsonian Scramble - and a Near-Death Experience with a Sculpture
- 9:00 AM: Wake up. Or, more accurately, drag myself out of bed. (I am not a morning person.) Coffee. Glorious, life-giving coffee is an absolute necessity. Gotta hit the hotel breakfast, if it even exists… which I sincerely doubt.
- 10:00 AM: Uber/Lyft to the National Mall. Okay, Smithsonian time! This is why we're actually here. I've got a list. I'm going to see the treasures! The iconic monuments! The history!
- 10:30 AM - 3:00 PM: Smithsonian Institution Hopscotch. I’m thinking the Air and Space Museum first. Because, you know, space. Then, maybe, the Natural History Museum. Gotta see the dinosaurs. I'm easily distracted, though. I'll probably wander into random exhibits and get completely lost. And probably get hangry. (That's a real thing, right?)
- Anecdote: Okay, full disclosure: I once nearly tripped and face-planted in front of the Hope Diamond. Mortifying doesn’t even begin to cover it. Luckily, a kind security guard caught me. Moral of the story: watch your step, people, especially when surrounded by priceless jewels. And maybe, um, lay off the coffee before visiting the Smithsonian.
- 3:00 PM: Lunch. Finding food around the Smithsonian is a high-stakes game. Prepare for crowds and inflated prices. Sandwiches? Pizza? (Ugh. Fine).
- 4:00 PM: More Smithsonian. Maybe the American History Museum. Or, honestly, I might just pick an air-conditioned corner and people-watch. D.C. is brimming with characters, and I am here for them.
- 6:00 PM: Dinner. Okay, I’m branching out tonight. Maybe a restaurant in Chinatown? I am going to eat something with flavor! Real food! None of that bland hotel stuff or overpriced museum cafeteria swill.
- 7:30 PM: Evening walk or maybe back at the hotel. I will walk around and see the night lights of the area.
- 8:30 PM: Wine or a beer.
- 9:30 PM: Sleep.
Day 3: Monument Marathon - and the Ghosts of Presidents Past
- 9:00 AM: Breakfast (that is if the hotel had a breakfast).
- 10:00 AM: Uber/Lyft to the National Mall.
- 10:30 AM - 3:00 PM: Monument Crawl.
- Stop 1: Washington Monument. (Because, obviously.)
- Stop 2: Lincoln Memorial. (Must pay respects to the guy who freed the slaves.)
- Stop 3: World War II Memorial. (Get ready to have feels.)
- Stop 4: The White House. (Maybe I'll try to peek in and see if they're giving tours.)
- Rambling Moment: Okay, the White House thing? I'm not holding my breath. But can you imagine the sheer audacity of living there? All those historic secrets and state dinners and… I bet the dry cleaning bill is astronomical.
- 3:00 PM: Lunch (Again). Maybe a picnic lunch at the National Mall? (If I'm organized enough to pack one. Don't hold your breath.)
- 4:00 PM: The International Spy Museum. Okay, this is going to be good. I love spy stuff. Betrayal, intrigue, gadgets… Yes, please!
- 5:00 PM: Free time.
- 6:00 PM: Dinner..
- 7:30 PM: Movie.
- 8:30 PM: Bed.
Day 4: Departure - and the Eternal Question: Did I Actually Enjoy Myself?
- 9:00 AM: Breakfast.
- 10:00 AM: One last stroll around the area. (Maybe find a decent coffee shop.)
- 11:00 AM: Check out of the Red Roof PLUS+. I am trying to leave the room as clean as possible, with hopefully the room not having too much stench!
- 11:30 AM: Trip to the airport.
- 1:00 PM: Flight Time. Buckle up!
- The Verdict: Okay, so… Did I survive? Did I see all the things? Did I eat something that wasn't from a gas station? Probably not. But hey, at least I tried. Travel is all about the messy, imperfect moments, right? And there are no perfect journeys, only the ones we remember. So, yeah, it probably won't be perfect. But it'll be mine. And that's the best I can hope for.
- Oh, and one last thought: I'm already planning my next trip. Maybe to somewhere with a better coffee scene. And perhaps a hotel with a slightly less… vaguely chemical air freshener. We'll see. Wish me luck. I'll need it.
So, like, what *is* this even about? Seriously. I'm lost already.
Wait, is this all... improvised? Because, yeah, it kinda feels that way.
Okay, fine. But what *specifically* are you planning to... "address"? Give me *something*.
So, about that "relatable chaos"... Can you be... more specific? Like, what's *your* life experience?
And where do you *get* off, thinking you can write all this?
Let's get to something that actually matters. Like, how do you deal with… *the internet*?
So... what about the more technical stuff? Like, the *structure* of this "FAQ"? Is there a plan?
And what happens if… everything goes horribly wrong?
